We picked up MAC in Ethiopia.
He fits into our family so well that I can hardly believe it's only been a month. In other ways, I can't believe it's been that long.
I'm sure there will be a lot of adjustments in our future. There is an actual "honeymoon" phase for adoption. It varies for each child but it's common for it to last about two months for a child MAC's age.
Right now, things are great. We've had very little discipline issues. The kids seem to be bonding (& fighting) as if they've been siblings from the beginning. It's SO fun to watch the boys wrestling and hanging out together.
I HAVE been seeing a few daggers from MAC's eyes toward his little sisters at times. Some of it is just plain being annoyed by a little sister but I suspect SOME of it may be related to his cultural expectation for them to just move out of his way and give him what he wants when he wants it. It seems much easier for him to make things right with Splat than with the girls. Then again, Splat is also a boy who is older which automatically gives him a leg up on the respect factor.
I see Cat getting frustrated VERY easily with MAC these days which is out of character for her. I suspect that some of the cultural expectations have been going on for awhile but that he's kept it to times when Mom or Dad aren't within earshot. Cat seemed to be the MOST patient when he first came home so I'm wondering if she was just trying to be understanding and has now reached her limit. It's definitely a relationship I will be keeping a close eye on.
This past week MAC passed his swim class, changed his name, spent an entire day at the county fair (I'll have to post pictures of that soon), took a trip to the mall with Grandma, and started doing a little school with me each day.
It's been a busy, rewarding week. We have a picnic to attend this weekend with other adoptive families in the area. One of the families we traveled with will be there and MAC will get to see one of his former room & classmates.
Next week we visit the doctor and the school where the kids take some classes.
Life is never dull around here! ;o)
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Sadness
Last night I saw a glimpse of MAC's grief. I knew it was there under the surface. He hides it well as he spends 95% of his time smiling and laughing...
Cat and I went to "town" last night to do our monthly Costco shopping. I usually go during the day with ALL the kids but since we have swimming lessons this week I decided to go right after dinner. I needed one of the kids to come with and help push a cart since I usually fill up 2 and it was Cat's turn to have some one on one time with me so she was elected to come. ;o) She wasn't too sure about it at first but as she chatted my ear off she said, "I thought this was going to be boring but it's actually really fun. I thought we were just going to do BORING shopping and that's it. I didn't know we were going to chat too!" LOL!
Anyway...when we got home, the other 3 kids were already in bed for the night. Cat ran upstairs to put on her pj's and Ryan helped me unload the van. After putting away all the groceries that needed refrigeration I ran upstairs to say goodnight to the rest of the kids who might still be awake. KitKat was sound asleep so I went into the boys room.
Splat was in the restroom so it was just me and MAC. I wasn't sure if he was asleep or not but their bedroom light was still on so I quietly walked to the side of his bed. He immediately pulled the covers off his head and gave me the biggest, sweetest grin. I hugged him and said goodnight but as I looked into his eyes, I noticed that they were very teary. I asked him if he was sad. I asked him if he missed Ethiopia. I asked him if he missed his Ethiopian mom and his Ethiopian dad. He nodded to all of these things and the tears started flowing. I hugged him and told him it was okay to be sad. I told him that we are so happy that he is here with us and that we love him very much but that we are sad too that his Ethiopian mom and dad had to die and weren't able to raise him. I told him that I know it's hard to come to a new country and that anytime he wants to talk about how he's feeling, Dad and I want to listen. He wiped his tears, gave me another hug and smiled. Splat had returned to their room by this time so I hugged them both, turned off their light and left.
But I wonder... how many nights in the 2 weeks since we've been home has MAC silently cried himself to sleep? He is SO brave but I know his heart must be hurting and my heart hurts for him. I wish I could just give him a kiss and make it all go away but it doesn't work that way. I'm sure he will have bouts of sadness for years to come. I pray that he will find comfort in his heavenly father and that we can help him to feel confident in his ability to go to Him in all things. I pray also that he will begin to share with us when he's feeling sad and that he will truly KNOW how much we love and care for him.
Cat and I went to "town" last night to do our monthly Costco shopping. I usually go during the day with ALL the kids but since we have swimming lessons this week I decided to go right after dinner. I needed one of the kids to come with and help push a cart since I usually fill up 2 and it was Cat's turn to have some one on one time with me so she was elected to come. ;o) She wasn't too sure about it at first but as she chatted my ear off she said, "I thought this was going to be boring but it's actually really fun. I thought we were just going to do BORING shopping and that's it. I didn't know we were going to chat too!" LOL!
Anyway...when we got home, the other 3 kids were already in bed for the night. Cat ran upstairs to put on her pj's and Ryan helped me unload the van. After putting away all the groceries that needed refrigeration I ran upstairs to say goodnight to the rest of the kids who might still be awake. KitKat was sound asleep so I went into the boys room.
Splat was in the restroom so it was just me and MAC. I wasn't sure if he was asleep or not but their bedroom light was still on so I quietly walked to the side of his bed. He immediately pulled the covers off his head and gave me the biggest, sweetest grin. I hugged him and said goodnight but as I looked into his eyes, I noticed that they were very teary. I asked him if he was sad. I asked him if he missed Ethiopia. I asked him if he missed his Ethiopian mom and his Ethiopian dad. He nodded to all of these things and the tears started flowing. I hugged him and told him it was okay to be sad. I told him that we are so happy that he is here with us and that we love him very much but that we are sad too that his Ethiopian mom and dad had to die and weren't able to raise him. I told him that I know it's hard to come to a new country and that anytime he wants to talk about how he's feeling, Dad and I want to listen. He wiped his tears, gave me another hug and smiled. Splat had returned to their room by this time so I hugged them both, turned off their light and left.
But I wonder... how many nights in the 2 weeks since we've been home has MAC silently cried himself to sleep? He is SO brave but I know his heart must be hurting and my heart hurts for him. I wish I could just give him a kiss and make it all go away but it doesn't work that way. I'm sure he will have bouts of sadness for years to come. I pray that he will find comfort in his heavenly father and that we can help him to feel confident in his ability to go to Him in all things. I pray also that he will begin to share with us when he's feeling sad and that he will truly KNOW how much we love and care for him.
Monday, August 11, 2008
Home Two Weeks...
I posted this on our agency's yahoo group last night:
We've been home two weeks now and things are going really well.
Tonight, MAC chose to wear pajama bottoms only (copying Splat, I'm sure) and was sitting on my lap watching some tv. He was grabbing the sides of his tummy and squishing it together, being silly. I gently grabbed either side of his belly button and made it move slightly while saying in a deep voice, "Hello!" He LAUGHED SO HARD and for SO LONG I didn't know if he'd ever stop. Of course laughter feeds laughter and with the whole family laughing, it took quite awhile for it to all die down.
Anyway...it's been a really good two weeks. There've been a few minor challenges and I find myself extra tired at the end of the day but over all it has been a very smooth transition so far. He's said "I love you" in Amharic to me a few times and once to each of the kids. He LOVES to swim and ride his scooter. He really wants to ride his bike but struggles some with the balance still. It definitely felt like we had a guest in the house for the first week or so but that feeling is slowly disappearing. He's quite a tease and we've already had a few typical sibling situations that show me he's truly become a part of the family.
Tonight we watched some of the October waiting child video that he was on for the first time since we got home. He LOVED seeing his friends and it was really fun for us to watch again now that we've been there and had a taste of personalities to go with some of the kids.
For families traveling soon I should mention that he was VERY shy when we first met at Layla. He came and hugged us and showed us around a little but would just point at things and didn't say ONE word. There was a little party going on and we went to join it. He grabbed the food and sat with his friends and then went outside to play without even glancing at us. It all felt VERY awkward for us at first. I know that is NOT the case for many families but that's how it was for us. In that moment I never would have imagined that he'd be embracing us and saying "I love you" so quickly. He truly is a very shy child and just needed a little time to get to know us. I just wanted to share our experience for others who might find themselves in a similar situation.
That's it for now. I'm so excited for those of you who are traveling soon and wish I was going back already. Praying that the court closure time passes quickly for those of you waiting.
Still living in a honeymoon phase...
We've been home two weeks now and things are going really well.
Tonight, MAC chose to wear pajama bottoms only (copying Splat, I'm sure) and was sitting on my lap watching some tv. He was grabbing the sides of his tummy and squishing it together, being silly. I gently grabbed either side of his belly button and made it move slightly while saying in a deep voice, "Hello!" He LAUGHED SO HARD and for SO LONG I didn't know if he'd ever stop. Of course laughter feeds laughter and with the whole family laughing, it took quite awhile for it to all die down.
Anyway...it's been a really good two weeks. There've been a few minor challenges and I find myself extra tired at the end of the day but over all it has been a very smooth transition so far. He's said "I love you" in Amharic to me a few times and once to each of the kids. He LOVES to swim and ride his scooter. He really wants to ride his bike but struggles some with the balance still. It definitely felt like we had a guest in the house for the first week or so but that feeling is slowly disappearing. He's quite a tease and we've already had a few typical sibling situations that show me he's truly become a part of the family.
Tonight we watched some of the October waiting child video that he was on for the first time since we got home. He LOVED seeing his friends and it was really fun for us to watch again now that we've been there and had a taste of personalities to go with some of the kids.
For families traveling soon I should mention that he was VERY shy when we first met at Layla. He came and hugged us and showed us around a little but would just point at things and didn't say ONE word. There was a little party going on and we went to join it. He grabbed the food and sat with his friends and then went outside to play without even glancing at us. It all felt VERY awkward for us at first. I know that is NOT the case for many families but that's how it was for us. In that moment I never would have imagined that he'd be embracing us and saying "I love you" so quickly. He truly is a very shy child and just needed a little time to get to know us. I just wanted to share our experience for others who might find themselves in a similar situation.
That's it for now. I'm so excited for those of you who are traveling soon and wish I was going back already. Praying that the court closure time passes quickly for those of you waiting.
Still living in a honeymoon phase...
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
First Weeks Home...
We're well into our 2nd week home with MAC.
On Sunday, the 27th, we hung out at home and let MAC experience the scooter, bike, playset, etc.
We took the kids swimming on Monday.
Ryan went back to work on Tuesday, leaving me to hold down the fort with the kids.
The kids and I went to town on Wednesday to run errands and attend a memorial service. The ferry dock was broken which made for an extra long trip home but the kids were all really great about the extra long wait.
On Thursday, my parents came over to spend the afternoon. They got to witness MAC's introduction to the doorbell. That was pretty cute.
We stayed close to home on Friday and Saturday. Saturday evening, we took the kids to the local movie theatre to see WALL*E. We'd already seen it but we had a couple free passes and thought it would be fun to take MAC to his first movie theatre.
We went to church on Sunday and even though he's really shy, MAC did a great job of meeting so many new people.
This week we're doing swimming lessons so we're gone for a large portion of the day. The kids ALL love to swim and are having a great time. We've had wonderful weather for it too. Yesterday we even brought out the slip 'n slide when we got home and MAC LOVED that. ;o)
We'll be having a picnic with Ryan's extended family this weekend so MAC will get to meet some aunts, uncles and cousins.
MAC is doing REALLY well and Ryan and I are both wondering how long this "honeymoon" phase will last. We're amazed at how well he fits into the family already.
We've been playing a lot of Uno and Yahtzee in the evenings. MAC also likes to be read to and enjoys music. His favorite cd right now is "Boyz in the Sink" Veggie Tales. He'll even sing along if he doesn't think anyone is listening. ;o)
On Sunday, the 27th, we hung out at home and let MAC experience the scooter, bike, playset, etc.
We took the kids swimming on Monday.
Ryan went back to work on Tuesday, leaving me to hold down the fort with the kids.
The kids and I went to town on Wednesday to run errands and attend a memorial service. The ferry dock was broken which made for an extra long trip home but the kids were all really great about the extra long wait.
On Thursday, my parents came over to spend the afternoon. They got to witness MAC's introduction to the doorbell. That was pretty cute.
We stayed close to home on Friday and Saturday. Saturday evening, we took the kids to the local movie theatre to see WALL*E. We'd already seen it but we had a couple free passes and thought it would be fun to take MAC to his first movie theatre.
We went to church on Sunday and even though he's really shy, MAC did a great job of meeting so many new people.
This week we're doing swimming lessons so we're gone for a large portion of the day. The kids ALL love to swim and are having a great time. We've had wonderful weather for it too. Yesterday we even brought out the slip 'n slide when we got home and MAC LOVED that. ;o)
We'll be having a picnic with Ryan's extended family this weekend so MAC will get to meet some aunts, uncles and cousins.
MAC is doing REALLY well and Ryan and I are both wondering how long this "honeymoon" phase will last. We're amazed at how well he fits into the family already.
We've been playing a lot of Uno and Yahtzee in the evenings. MAC also likes to be read to and enjoys music. His favorite cd right now is "Boyz in the Sink" Veggie Tales. He'll even sing along if he doesn't think anyone is listening. ;o)
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